2025 off to a truly nauseating start

After this week’s release of the more thoroughly researched article laying out the absolutely horrific details of Neil Gaiman’s (alleged) sex crimes, I remembered I actually still had an old user icon of him and Amanda Palmer from well over a decade ago still sitting around among my other Dreamwidth icons (and LJ icons too, as it turned out). So, that’s been deleted now, on both sites.

While I was in there I ended up culling about 80 or 90 other icons, largely from fandoms I’m not really all that into anymore. I may end up purging more later, but it was nice to free up the space. I might use the freed up slots to house more Good Omens icons.

Good Omens is still very close to my heart and I intend to remain in the fandom, but I’m treating it as a Terry Pratchett property — which is what the Terry Pratchett Estate seems to be doing, as well. All the other Gaiman books I owned have been purged from my shelves. My friend Lenn was a bigger Gaiman fan than I was and she’s done the same thing.

Two sequential screencaps from "The Simpsons" in which the town of Springfield have gathered at the train station to collectively ensure that a man they've tied to a chair (and then tied the chair to a train car) really does leave town with the train. In the original Simpsons episode, it was the man who originally bore the name Seymour Skinner (before Principal Skinner took on his identity). In this image, however, Neil Gaiman's head has been pasted over Mr Skinner's, so that it looks like it was Mr Gaiman that the town of Springfield has securely strapped down to send away. 

The top image is a closeup of the tied-up Gaiman, captioned with him appearing to say, "But I wrote Good Omens!" 

In the bottom image, we see everyone watching the train pull away with Gaiman on it, with Homer / Springfield as a whole replying, "And we thank Terry Pratchett for it. Now, don't come back!"

I would not be using it by choice

My workplace’s website runs on Squarespace. Speaking as someone who’s been building and maintaining websites in various fashions since the 1990s, Squarespace is stupid and finicky and if I could scrap the whole site and rebuild it on a WordPress install, I would do it in a heartbeat.

EDIT: Seriously, it’s like trying to design a website in fucking Microsoft Word. 🤬

Whoopsie 😬

Whoops got my nikki.scarlet account suspended from Instagram lol

So, I mostly don’t use the big social media platforms anymore. I have RSS feeds set up to follow a few specific Twitter users, but I only check in on Facebook once every couple of months or so, and most of the time I don’t even remember I have an Instagram. But there were a few people on both FB and Instagram that I wanted to keep up with if possible.

So I’d found a browser extension that claimed it would allow me to follow Instagram remotely, RSS style, and I thought, “Cool, I’ll give that a try.”

I didn’t realise the extension actually logs in through your Instagram account and Instagram’s servers can tell that it’s doing so, and logging into Instagram with a 3rd party app is a violation of their TOS.

I also didn’t realise that attempting to set up a new account under a similar-but-different email address and user name will just result in your new account being immediately suspended, too, but probably should have guessed.

I have something like 180 days to appeal. I was clearly in the wrong on this one, though, so I’m not sure how effective it’d be. And also I’m not sure how much I really care. Like I said, most of the time I genuinely forget Instagram exists, and I really only casually wanted to be able to follow a few people’s accounts. The last picture I posted there was from 2016 or thereabouts. If I do end up wanting to start posting images, I can easily set up a gallery of my own on this website. It just doesn’t seem that vital to me.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

So, yeah. If you do see a Nikki Scarlet on Instagram, it probably isn’t me. 😅

Thinking out loud about website things

When I first started working on a website for myself, my plan was to use WordPress’ functionality but to give it a theme I built myself. I wanted to go really old-school, yesterweb style with its appearance, while still embracing the flexibility of having a CMS / blogging software running in the background.

I started trying to build that site theme, but it languished for well over a year. I’m fairly competent with HTML and CSS, but once you throw PHP or anything else beyond that into the mix, I start getting confused. And given how few spoons I have these days, I just haven’t been particularly keen on trying to puzzle my way through skinning a WordPress site from scratch.

But the more the big social media platforms lurch towards collapse and/or destroy the mental health of everyone using them, the more I find myself still wanting that little space of my own on the internet where I can just . . . share whatever I like, in whatever format I like, in a space that I control. So I decided to just grab a super old, ridiculously basic but still attractive (to me at least) pre-made WordPress theme and restart from there. I’ll customize that as I go along, and over time maybe I’ll keep plugging away at the from-scratch theme on a test server or something until I have something ready to go live. A customized pre-made WordPress theme still gives me a lot more options for fun and self-expression than most social media sites.

And since now I have the beginnings of a website that doesn’t just look like a jumble of text, I’m feeling a lot more inclined to actually work on adding content to it. Hopefully I’ll be able to open it for public viewing soon.

One thing I’m hoping to get more into with the blog side of things, aside from just getting back into the habit of blogging more in general, is including little bits of microblogging here and there. I know my posts tend to run long, but I actually am capable of brevity, too! It’s just that I rarely felt comfortable enough on most other platforms to put my thoughts out there. It’s different on my website, though: it’s not a content mill, it’s just my cosy space on the internet, where likely most of the people reading and interacting will be people I’m already friends with (and anyone who isn’t friendly can be easily deleted and ignored.)

I want to get into sharing content I like from other sites via embed or screenshot, too. I tend to use the social media profiles I do still use as a kind of social bookmarking tool: mostly just reblogging interesting things from other people on that platform rather than creating content of my own. I’d like to still include that social sharing aspect on my website, in such a way that I can collect things from any other platform and gather them here.

I’m still trying to decide whether to use embeds or screencaps or a mix of both. Embeds are easier, more accessible, and make proper attribution a snap, but who even knows if anything I share from Twitter will still be there in 5 years’ time? Screencaps would serve as a more permanent archival tool, but they’re more work to capture, upload, make accessible to people with visual impairments, and link back to the original post/creator.

(I do also wonder how well embeds will work on Dreamwidth crossposts.)

I’ll probably start with embeds and see how well they work, and maybe try to make a habit of screencapping anything I embed as a “just in case” measure.

If I really do get super into the reposting/content sharing from other platforms, I’ll likely refrain from crossposting everything to Dreamwidth just to avoid spamming my mutuals.

I mean, I guess if you don’t want my money . . . .

If Netflix is determined to keep me from having a physical copy of Sailor Moon Eternal to complete my bilingual Sailor Moon Blu Ray collection, then I guess I’m just going to have to buy that beautifully-designed trilingual bootleg from Mexico, aren’t I?

(I’m also planning to buy the official Japanese limited edition release, but that’s 1) not bilingual, 2) a lot more expensive so I have to save up for it, and 3) packaged in what looks like a vinyl album cover, so it won’t fit on my DVD shelf with the rest of Sailor Moon and Sailor Moon Crystal.)

My inner teenage weeb and collector will be satisfied one way or the other. I’ll do it with Cosmos, too, if I have to.

In similar news, something does just feel right about the idea of owning a bilingual Chinese bootleg copy of Our Flag Means Death Season 1.

Smaller happy things!

Little bits of happy from the past couple of weeks that I just wanted to share:

  1. Finally picked up my new contact lenses and oh my gosh they’re so much more comfortable than my old ones. The old ones were . . . really old. Too old. I wear yearlies instead of dailies because I have a really high prescription and it’s just easier that way, but I’d stretched the old ones to two years for money reasons. They were wearing down and not sitting well in my eyes anymore and would start to sting after a few hours of wear. I was wearing my glasses more often for several months, which comes with its own set of problems. But these new contacts are fantastic.
  2. Nice perk of my new job: Free at-home access to all Microsoft Office apps. 😁
  3. I’ve been reviewing all my onboarding documents and getting acquainted with all the tools of my job, and I have so many ideas to suggest to my new boss at our next meeting and I’m excited. Even if she doesn’t want to implement any of them, I just feel so much more confident knowing I have ideas to share (considering at our first meeting I was just kind of like “I have no idea what I’m doing or what to ask when she prompts me. I will just smile and nod.” 😅)
  4. I have many pakiges coming. 🥰

New Year, New Try

I keep saying I’m going to be more active with proper blogging/journaling, but then I toddle off to Discord and forget for months at a time because that’s where all the fandom fun is.

Things are good, though! Mostly. At the moment I’m a little under the weather, but otherwise there are good things happening!

  • My mental health is slowly improving. I haven’t felt depressed in a long time, but the anxiety is still a challenge, and the medication is still leaving me pretty knocked out most of the time. My physical health in general has sort of deteriorated a bit while I’ve been working out the medication side of things, but I think that will start to improve once I’ve found the right combination/dosage and then acclimated to that.
  • I have a new work-from-home job, as of this month. I’m not making anywhere near as much at this job as at my last one (it’s roughly the same amount of money per hour, but it’s less hours), but I’ll be making enough for now, and I am more than happy with that. Especially since it’s with a not-for-profit that provides a service I strongly support. I feel like I’m contributing to something really good, on top of paying my bills.
  • For years — probably over a decade — I could barely manage to finish reading a single book in a year, but in the last five months or so I’ve finished twelve and am working on three more. The voracious reader of my childhood has returned.

    Lately I’m really into classic lit. It all started with Dracula Daily last year (which will be starting again this year, if anyone wants to hop on board), and then I found the Serial Reader app and it’s allowed me to keep the Dracula Daily experience going with stories like Around The World In Eighty Days, The Great Gatsby, P. G. Wodehouse’s Jeeves series, A Christmas Carol, and so on. I also bought the full/premium version of the app (it’s a one-time payment of $3 USD) so I could load my own ebooks into it, read ahead when I feel like it, and enjoy some other perks.

    I’ve also read a few more recent books that I’d been meaning to get around to finishing. Some of them just so I could decide whether to keep them or not. A few of those ended up surprising me — I won’t say they were good books, but I enjoyed them and decided I wanted to keep them as Trashy Comfort Reads™. Another one, though, is going to be shredded. Partly because it was just really badly written and stupid, partly because I found out one of the authors (a musician I used to follow) is someone I no longer wish to support, and partly because some water got spilled on it and it dried all wrinkly and stiff, so it probably wouldn’t get bought up if I donated it anyway. I’m not normally in favour of destroying books, but this one honestly would serve the world better if it was recycled into something new.
  • I’m making slow-but-steady progress on a lot of personal/domestic/hobby goals, as well. Figuring out a method for organising my life and tracking my progress that actually works for me has really been helping. For a while, my friend Lennora and I were really getting sucked in to paper planners, but I never really ended up using them. I still have them, they’re very pretty, but I couldn’t get myself into the habit of using them. What does seem to work for me, though, is a digital planner. I’m using Notion as mine. It’s super customisable and gives me a way to easily visually organise my scattered brain just by throwing down a bunch of concepts and slowly segmenting them into various categories and databases as I go along. And it’s cloud-based, so I can use it across all my devices. Ideally I’d like a more or less identical app that I could self-host, or at least something with a little more of a privacy focus, but for the moment this really does do everything I need it to do.
  • In general, making a project of getting away from corporate social media / internet and trying to make my internet use a lot more like it was back in the 90s and 2000s has been really fulfilling and helpful to my mental health. The only “big” social media I still do binge sessions on is Tumblr, and I’ve been dipping in and out of Mastodon lately as well. I really like the idea behind federated social media and I hope it takes off, although I feel like Mastodon (and other services it’s currently federating with) is more of a prototype / proof-of-concept than the actual Next Big Thing. But as Denise goes over on this post, I really think we’re going to need to push for some big legal changes before social media can truly be what we want it to be.

    In the meantime, though, there are small Discords for sharing fun fandom things with smaller groups of friends and fellow fen. At least until Discord gives in to greed and sends us scrambling for the next alternative chat program. Discord’s about as close to old-school IRC as I’m going to be able to get with my current social spheres, so I’m happy with that for now.

    Outside of that, though, I’ve been relying a lot more on RSS for things I want to follow. I have two different RSS reading systems that work for me: for anything I want to see every post of (particular tumblr users, webcomics, my friends’ twitter feeds thanks to a workaround that still appears to be working), I have those feeds set up in my Thunderbird client so I can read a daily digest of the things I really want to keep up with alongside my email. For other things I mostly just want to be able to dip into here and there at my leisure based on subject/headlines (blogs, news feeds, etc), I have the livemarks add-on installed on Firefox.

    (You should be using Firefox, too. :P)

    I also no longer use Spotify — I’ve gone back to just buying music and listening to my MP3s. When and where I can, I buy full albums on CD and rip them to my computer. For music discovery, I use YouTube or Bandcamp (the latter also being one of my main sources for buying music). Same thing with streaming television and film: wherever possible, I just buy DVDs or Blu Rays. If something is only available on a streaming service, I can usually just visit a friend who has that service and watch it with them. (Or I can find . . . other alternative solutions.)

    For audiobooks I have shunned Audible in favour of libro.fm, which gives you DRM-free versions of the audiobook you want while helping to support independent bookstores. I would be doing the same for print books via bookshop.org, but Bookshop isn’t available for my country yet, so I usually go with either eBay or a local retailer. Essentially, I’ll take any opportunity to divert money away from Amazon and its subsidiaries. I’m not fully boycotting Amazon because sometimes it’s literally the only place you can get a thing you need, but it’s become very, very rare for me to buy anything from them. Once or twice a year, maybe.

    Google’s also been largely snubbed by me. I use Sync.com for cloud storage and either Notion or Cryptpad for cloud-based document creation, depending on my needs. I have my own server host and domain for email (and multiple email addresses for multiple purposes, which makes organizing my email so much easier). I use Qwant for most of my search engine needs. YouTube’s about the only Google product I still regularly use in my personal life. For work it’s a different story, though: I do use Google products for work, because that’s what everyone’s using.

    Any opportunity I can take to thumb my nose at corporate greed in general in favour of giving money to people who are just trying to keep the lights on (including/especially artists), and/or people who are actively trying to make life and the internet better, I take it. And it’s made my own life a lot happier.

So, that’s how things are going, on the broad scale! I have a more recent “little bits of happy from the past couple of weeks” sort of list as well, but I’ll save that for my next post.

We’re not perfect, but we try

I suppose one thin silver lining to the horrific rise of the far-right across the globe is that it’s pushing my parents further left.

My mom was always left-leaning, but these days she’s digging into feminist and socialist theory, and cares enough about trans people that she’s in no danger of falling into the TERF pipeline.

My dad always was and still is fairly apolitical, but had enough right-winger friends that sometimes he’d just randomly have some really surprisingly callous or bigoted takes on things despite generally being a pretty gentle, open-minded person and also having a lot of immigrant friends. These days he’s so horrified and morbidly fascinated by everything happening around Trumpism, American Republicans, conservatives in general, and conspiracy theorists (and especially horrified about how his sister and niece have become antivaxxer conspiracy nuts who support the trucker convoy, and that a fair few people in his social circles are supporting the convoy as well.) that these days he’s listening to/watching a lot of left-wing podcasts and commentary shows, and listening more to the perspectives of his immigrant friends, and it’s changing his mind about a lot of the more fiscally- and occasionally socially-conservative views he’d sort of unquestioningly taken before. I’d say at the very least he’s moved from dead centrist to liberal, which is nice to see.

My younger brother had a brief conservative-leaning-or-at-least-centrist phase right after he got out of high school, but these days he’s pretty solidly on the left and, similarly to my dad, is keeping up with a lot of news and commentary about the convoy and . . . *gestures broadly at everything*. He’s been enjoying watching people troll the convoy, and he thinks it’s funny watching the convoy people try to organise themselves because, as he describes it, “It’s a bunch of people who don’t want to be told what to do, trying to tell each other what to do.”

I guess it’s just nice to know that my immediate family members are the kinds of people who generally try their best to care about other people, and who are willing to keep learning and growing as they get older rather than getting stuck in their ways. I feel proud of them for it, and it also gives me hope that I’ll keep learning and growing as I get older, too.

Schrödinger’s COVID

There are 4 people in my household (currently) and we’ve all gotten sick over the course of the holiday season. Two of us have been tested for COVID, and two haven’t (and probably won’t be able to, because local testing facilities are so swamped right now that they’re only admitting essential workers and high-risk cases).

I was the first to get sick and the first to get tested. I took both a home test and a test a the hospital to be on the extra safe side. Both tests were negative. Notably, though, I didn’t manage to get tested until about a week after I first started showing symptoms, when I was already beginning to feel better.

However, everyone else in the house got sick days after I did, and while pretty much everyone’s experience with it was a little bit different (everyone else seems to think I had it worst. For me it felt like a bad cold/flu), in the aftermath we all sort of have similar lingering symptoms: weird sleep patterns, mild fatigue, some very mild lingering cough.

My dad was the second person to get tested, almost a full two weeks after I got my test done. He tested positive.

Complicating this is the fact that even though they made him stay home from work when he got sick, they brought him back to work on the day he was supposed to get tested, because they needed the extra hands and he needed the money and was feeling better by that point. COVID has been flying around his workplace. Did he get COVID while at work and that was what the test picked up, or was it detecting COVID because that’s what made him sick before?

If that was what made him sick before, did he get it from me? If so, why did I test negative? If not, am I likely to catch it now? Do I already have it but am asymptomatic?

No way of knowing now, because we can’t get tested anymore. (Unless we want to pay for a much less reliable home test, I suppose.)

I’m probably going to self-isolate again for another week or two just to be on the safe side. I’ve still got a big pile of Christmas presents I haven’t been able to give to my friends yet, in part because some of them also have COVID (not connected to anything at my place — they caught it at work while I was already isolating.)

I had my COVID booster shot scheduled for later this week as well, but I’ve gone ahead and rescheduled it for later in the month. I have no idea if I’ve had or will have COVID at this point but I’m going to get the booster anyway. Might as well have as much protection as I can get.

Oof that was a weird Memento Mori

I received an email from LiveJournal letting me know that I’d gotten a badge because my journal with them is, as of this past New Year’s Eve, officially 18 years old.

My old LJ is now old enough to vote. That . . . feels very strange.

Notably, I was 18 when I first registered the account, so my LiveJournal is also now officially half my age.

I don’t use my LiveJournal anymore, and haven’t since 2009ish. I posted a final message to it on New Year’s Eve, 2013 (its 10 year anniversary) to direct anyone who might stumble across it to my Dreamwith, then set all but that message and my very first post to Private and logged out for good. I sometimes think about logging back in just to delete all the posts that are set to Private, but I don’t want to have to agree to LJ’s “new” (since years ago) Terms of Service in order to do that.

(I also briefly logged in a couple of years ago just to change the password for security reasons. I was thankfully able to do that without accepting the TOS.)

If I wasn’t concerned about keeping a claim on my username over there, and about stubbornly holding on to an account I paid to get Permanent Account status on, I would probably delete it entirely. But since I am, it means I’m still going to get very occasional emails from them. At least, to my old gmail account that I don’t really use any more. 😆

It was also interesting to see the wording of the message:

“On this day, in 2003 you have registered in LiveJournal! Share this news with your friends!”

The awkward grammar tells me they probably don’t have an English-language office at all anymore. Not that this matters to me in any way, it just . . . is sort of interesting to see, considering LJ’s history.

It did at least get me thinking about my Dreamwidth and my website and journal again, though. I’ve kept putting off finishing the website largely because other projects keep taking priority, but also because I’m still crawling out of 2021’s depression-based lethargy and brain fog. I actually still have a couple of writing projects on the go that I need to get back to and finish before I’ll feel comfortable diving into working on my website again, but it’s the first time in a few months that I’ve felt really motivated to work on my website or do any journaling/blogging again.

I am hoping to get back to it this year. I don’t have high hopes that 2022 will look overly different from 2021 in terms of the pandemic or anything surrounding it, but I kind of feel hopeful about things slowly improving a little where my own mental health and goals are concerned. Aside from getting hit by a nasty bug (which may or may not have been COVID — I tested negative, but everyone else around me is now sick and showing suspiciously COVID-y symptoms. Won’t know for sure until my dad gets his test results, I suppose), I’ve had a fair bit more mental clarity and energy since being on the mend than I’ve had in months. Which still isn’t a lot, but is an improvement.

I really want to get to the point where I am merrily maintaining the majority of my public-facing internet presence and projects on my website(s), and journaling regularly again. I think it would help my mental health. Social media in its current form has not been good for my or anyone else’s mental health, and I’d like to return to the kind of internet life I had back before Facebook existed, because I know that made me happier. Discord, and the small communities I’ve been part of through it, has been helping a lot with that, but having a website and blog as my home base would help make up the other half of that enjoyment.

It just means doing a fair bit of CSS first. Haven’t been able to muster the patience for it yet. But I will. 🙂

Reflections on 9/11, 20 years later.

I was 16 at the time. I’m Canadian, but my high school wasn’t far from the border. New York City was less than a day’s trip away. A lot of high school is a blur by now, but I remember a few moments from that day pretty vividly.

I remember classes hadn’t even started yet, and I was in the cafeteria buying a quick breakfast. I think I was the only student in there at the time because class was going to start in like 5 minutes, but my best friend came in looking stunned.

She walked up to me and told me something, but she was speaking fast and I was still kind of groggy and only caught a little bit of it. At the time, I thought she’d said, “A train hit the world trade convention!!” And I blinked and said something like “Oh, that’s unfortunate . . . “

She wandered back out the doors, still looking dazed. I finished up my breakfast and ran to class, and then the teacher pretty much filed us all right back out the classroom door and into another class down the hall, because they had a TV. We were all watching the news and saw the second tower get hit in real time.

The teachers were all as stunned as the students, and first period was just spent watching the TV in grim silence. They tried to pull together some sense of normalcy from second period onward, but you could tell nobody’s heart was in anything. Some people tried to cope with humour. I very vividly remember standing in line for my second period class listening to other students talking about how the world felt different now, and one of my clownier classmates saying to his buddies, “The Pentagon’s a square now!”

I was actually saying to my friends a couple of days ago (one of them being the same friend who told me about the first plane in the cafeteria that day) that I feel like there’s a similar “change of eras” happening now. There was the pre-9/11 and the post-9/11 world, and I’m old enough to remember what it was like to live in both. Now there’s the pre-COVID and post-COVID world.

In a strange way I’m sort of cautiously optimistic about the post-COVID world in a way that I wasn’t about post-9/11. 9/11 was a sudden and devastating trauma to a nation that thought itself invincible, and its grief resulted in the spread of a lot of toxicity across the planet. COVID is a slower, global trauma, and one where people at all levels have had a lot more time for quiet reflection. More people are considering what they want their own futures, and their communities’ futures, to look like. Toxicity will still happen as people’s visions conflict and as old systems that are no longer fit for the new reality go through their death throes, but it almost feels more like the pain from cleaning a wound rather than the obsessive, feverish sting and burn of picking at it that came out of 9/11.

I hope we’re on our way to something better. Something kinder. If nothing else, I hope we’re on our way to treating the planet better. It may be slow, but I think we’ll turn things around. I’m seeing hints of it, here and there. I think enough of us want a kinder world to make it so.

Hello and a little test

I’m finally getting around to setting up a personal website for myself, and if you’re reading this from Dreamwidth, this post is actually part of that process! This site is WordPress-based, although I’ll be designing the look of it pretty much from scratch and going with a more retro, early-2000s sort of theme for it. At the moment I’m still getting everything set up, though, so it just has a default theme and . . . not a lot of content. Yet. 🥰

The nice part about having WordPress running behind it is that I can (via plugin) set it up to auto-crosspost to Dreamwidth! 🤩 A good many other social media sites as well, actually, although Dreamwidth was my first priority and the only site I have hooked up to my blog at the moment. Ideally, my website will be my central hub and “home” on the internet, and all my other social media activity will branch from there. My Dreamwidth (and the LiveJournal archive I imported to it when I moved over) holds so much of my history, though, so I want to keep a very close tie between the two blogs. If everything works out as it should, it’ll likely mean I’ll be posting more actively to my Dreamwidth going forward.

I’ve already done a test of the plugin’s crossposting functionality and it does work, but that was an auto-generated test post by the plugin itself and I deleted it seconds afterward. This post is largely to test how a real post ends up formatting between the two sites, but also is a genuine update I felt was worth sharing: I’m building a new internet home for myself, I’m including my Dreamwidth in that plan because it’s important to me, and I’m excited to re-embrace that old-web ethic of making your own space from scratch and letting it be a total hub of self-expression. My plan includes fan shrines. It’s going to be so much fun! 🥰

More later, but for now I need to start actually laying out the site itself.